Personal Security
Crisis - by Carla Base
We should think of all security in layers and levels.
We have personal security and should consider it daily. We have home security
and workplace security, shopping mall security and parking lot or garage
security. On the topic of personal security, let's think about people who are
single, live alone, young or older. Anyone living alone can be very prone. If
you live in a big city, it is obviously you against the world. If you live
isolated in the country, it could be worse for you. You may think no one ever
would come out your way, but if and when they do, you will also be isolated
from helpful neighbors, police or help, even an ambulance. We could all have
health problems or sudden accidents. We can all be targeted by someone we don't
even know or be stalked. Anyone can know someone and like them very much today
and tomorrow find we want to hide from them. They may be discovered to be
abusive or frightening because of the way they think--or don't. They may be on
drugs or not. They could threaten you outright or simply give you an eerie
crrepy feeling you should trust. Sometimes couples are very close, then fall
apart. When they do, the closeness itself turns to a bitterness that is hard to
describe. They now are violent towards one another. In Louisville, Kentucky,
the Center For Women and Families has many stories to tell. People may come
from all over the country. They may have complely different situations, but yet
all share in one common theme: They are women who have fled a relationship or
marriage alone or with their children to escape abusive men. It has become so
dangerous for them and frightening that they have possibly left their home
towns and have left all earthly possesions behind forever to seek a new safe
future. It becomes clear quickly that no material possesion is nearly so
important as their own physical security.
What do we do
though when we are the victim of an abusive relationship? Every year, thousands
of people report men and women who have beaten, raped or physologically abused
them. It is unknown how many never had the courage to flee from such treatment
and complain. What would you do and what SHOULD you do if someone you know,
love and trust suddenly begins to take dangerous drugs, threaten you, beats or
hits you for the first time ever? Maybe it will never happen again? Don't ever
assume that! Abuse follows a pattern of more abuse. Ask any professional in the
field of mental health and they can tell you. Call a hotline. Get some
professional advice from a hospital staff or doctors office. They will advise
you not to stick around to receive more abuse. How should you handle it?
1. Admit the
problem happened. You may want to convince yourself it was nothing or really
was an isolated incident. It is not. It is an abuser. Don't wait for improved
behavior. Next time you could be killed.
2. Know your
options and plan your moves, don't just react. Knowing where to go or where to
run is important. Know where shelters are that can house you and your
children. Know where the closest police
or fire station is located and go there. Explain your problem and they will get
you help. Know how you could get there by bus in case you have no car, or how
you could have access to it by any means. Know how to locate them by phone as
well as other emergency numbers. Above all, have the courage to call 911. Any
police, hospital, or doctors office can assist you in contacting help for you
to come even if the abuser is close as the waiting room.
3. Know that
once you leave, don't return. You don't need clothing, a toothbrush, hairbrush,
money or any other thing. All things but your lives can be replaced. JUST GO
and if you must wait, everyone must eventually sleep. Leave by night if you
must but go.
4. Rehearse
your mental plan over and over until you work out details of things that could
go wrong. Think of relatives or friends who could help. Think of agencies who
are available to you and resources.
5. Save your
money and hide it and plan your escape. Always have one bank account that is
only in your own name with specific instructions that no one but you should be
able to withdraw from it.
6. Tell others
you know at work, relatives and friends of your problem. Let it be well known
what is going on. Don't have shame. Document with them what is happening so
that if you are missing, people will question your disappearance. You may be a
hostage!
7. If possible,
learn solid self defense methods such as karate or judo, or some form of
martial arts.
You may learn
to select a gun suitable for your use and learn to clean, load and unload it
safely, store it properly and learn to shoot it at a firing range with a
professional instructor. This could be useful if you feel you are being stalked
or followed.
8. Know that
you should report things to the police right away. If abuse is reported it is
documented. This is important. You may also wish to place a restraining order
on someone, however this is very weak. It may document that the person should
not come within a set amount of miles from you, yet it does nothing but enrage
them mostly. Still, you can do it. If it causes further problems, have another
plan for that.
9. Have a place
you can go no one knows you have a relative or friend in an out of town place.
Therefore never spill all your information on where you have relatives or
friends who would be close enough to take you in. If you tell your spouse
everything, then they become abusive, where could you turn?
10. Move into
another area or if you cannot because of your job, move when it is not obvious.
Have excellent locks on doors and windows and use them. Get a professinal to
evalulate your home and shore it up. Get a top notch alarm system that is
customized with monitoring that is not within your state. Tell landlords or new
friends you are afraid of the person. Let their eyes be extra lookouts for you.
Tell the police in the new area. Inform your workplace of the problem and that
you will accept no calls or visitors and if they have security, approach them
confidentially with this information. Make sure no one is allowed to your
office, floor, area etc. If you see a note on your windshield, have a trusted
co-worker remove it, not you. Don't park in the same place every day and do not
have a set pattern of the way you are going to work or coming home from work.
Vary timing and change your patterns of when you go home. Stop in a store,
restaurant or meet a friend. Walk with
others. Whatever your normal times to come and go are, see if you can vary them
and see if you can avoid all the usual places you used to go for shopping,
entertainment or gas stations you frequent. Starting all new patterns is
difficult but worth it. If you do live alone, consider adding a panic button or
med alert to your alarm system. They come in the form of a watch or a pendant
generally. There is also jewelery that can be worn anywhere you could go that
can be pressed for help anytime.
11. Can you get
another license plate number? Ask DMV. If you cannot, change a license plate
frame, hanging on the mirror, look of the car. Put seat covers on to change the
color of the seats or anything to make it look like it is not yoru car, then
park in another area of the parking lot. Put a license frame that says
something like : "US MARINE" and different articles in the car than
usual that are visible and make them wonder.
11. If you are
single, alone, older or infirm, frightened and prone, or even if independent
and alone without the slightest worry, always be sure you connect to one other
person daily and that your friends or relatives do know each other and be sure
that daily you contact someone. We recommend one person as a contact who knows
the person's family and friends who are key. Not hearing for 24 hours should be
considered serious. Anyone can fall down a flight of basement stairs or become
ill with a heart attack at any age. Checking on someone daily is safe, not
condescending or a chore. If you knew you saved soneone or yourself if you had
fallen or had a heart attack by coming by because there was no answer, you'd
agree with this point.